I Want To Show Mr Weeny To The Gryffindor Girls!
by FF Queen
Summary: In the fic of complete insanity and weirdness, Tom Riddle isn't the perfect example of a Hogwarts student! Having a 'slight' flashing problems, Dippet makes him go to somewhere...Read to find out!


But I Want to Show Mr.Weeney to the Gryffindor Girls!! ************************************************ Dis: No, I don't in any way own HP or anything else that may enter my strange and insane ficcy...  
  
A/N: Rated for language, lemon and adult themes. And yes, I did get the title from Bowfinger! Yes, I'm proud of the fic, so please don't flame! ************************************************  
  
Tom Riddle was an ordinary 6th year Slytherin Hogwarts student. But there was one thing that made poor Tom very unpopular with the ladies, he had a very weird obsession of flashing at the Gryffindor girls at every oppertunity he got. Dippet had also noticed this, especially after seeing it for himself and hearing many complaints. So he decided that it was time for our beloved Tom to take a small 'holiday'. Tom reluctantly agreed, and so here starts our very, well.....twisted and insane story. The next morning at 11 o'clock when everyone had gone to class, two wizards in white suits came through the large fireplace that Dippet had set up in the Great Hall. "Ah, hello Dippet." One wizard greeted, shaking Dippet's hand. "My, it has been a while....I remember coming to Hogwarts myself." Tom looked at these two wizards in a strange way, neither were in cloaks, but rather doctor's uniforms. "Excuse me Dippet sir, but who are these people?" Tom asked, still goggling at them.  
  
"My dear boy." Dippet smiled. "They are friends of mine I haven't seen in many years. They're here to take you on your men- er- I mean holiday." (A/N: It seems like Dippet was in the care of these people once too......O.o;) Tom nodded vaguely. If he was going on a holiday with these weirdos, he'd rather spend the rest of his life been tormented by Lucius' smelly, fluffy pink rabbit slippers. "Now, chop chop. We haven't got much time until the classes end. Got everything Tom?" Dippet asked, scanning over Tom's fretful look. "But Dippet sir-" Dippet held up his hand to prevent Tom from speaking. "You'll be back before the Quidditch final is on." Tom looked satisfied by this, he wouldn't miss the Quidditch final for anything. "I'm sorry, but it looks like my assitance is needed in Transfiguration. I'll see you when you get back Tom." And with that Dippet swept up to the Transfiguration room, where purple and pink smoke was now coming from.  
  
"Er- How are we going to get there?" Tom asked, as the two wizards finished talking to each other. One of them smiled and threw some powder into the fire, making the flames burn an emrald green. "Just say 'The American Institute for Mental and Disturbed Wizards and Witches' and step into the fire."The other explained, stepping back from the fire. "Right...." Tom looked doubtful, VERY doubtful. But he did what he was told and he soon found himself in a large white building. It was just as bright as the wizards' uniforms. He stood up and waited for them to appear, but alas they never. "You must be Tom Riddle, correct?" Tom looked to his right to find a tall, multicoloured haired witch standing next to him. He was so overwhelmed by her beauty he didn't speak for a few moments. "Huh? Oh, yeah I'm Tom Riddle." He finally slurred, still gazing at her like she was Britney Spears or someone. "Follow me please." She smiled, leading him down a hallway, filled with large oak doors. "Dr. Bramik will see you in a moment." With that Tom sat down in a large armchair, one of many that lined the hall.  
  
"Excuse me? Tom Riddle?" Tom looked up from drumming his fingers on the chair's arm. In front of him stood another doctor in a white outfit except that she was er- a she. He followed her into a large brown room. Inside was a large desk, a few chairs, a large lamp, heaps of bookcases and a large poster of a Muggle band called S Club 7. Tom scoffed at the poster, he had heard them before, and when he first heard them he was tempted to smash the wireless. "My name's Dr. Bramik." The doctor smiled as she took a seat behind her desk and mentioned for Tom to take a seat. "Dippet has told me a great deal about you Tom, in fact I was in Slytherin myself." Tom looked at her and blinked, how could she have been in Slytherin? "Anyway, Proffessor Dippet has told me some...Disturbing...Information about you."  
  
"Like what?" Tom scoffed, folding his arms as he glared at her challengingly. Dr. Bramik shook her head and sighed. "Tom, what would you do if I was in Gryffindor...Say 6th year?" Tom looked a little confused. "Well...What if I was in Hogwarts again. And I was in your grade but in Gryffindor..." Suddenly Tom jumped up and unbuckled his belt. Dr. Bramik shuddered. "Right...I only wanted a oral explanation Tom...No, I didn't mean that oral." Dr. Bramik sighed as Tom took his seat looking disappointed. "Well...Is it only the Gryffindors you flash?" Tom nodded, still looking sour. "Right...Well...Maybe you should see how you can cope for a week WITHOUT flashing them." "No! I've got tough competition!" Tom yelped, his eyes wide. "Sirius Black may have the best ass in the school, but not the best..." "Door handle. Didn't FFQ tell you not to say the D word?! Come on, it's only rated PG-13!" "Oh...Right...Well penis then!" "Oi...I think we're in for a long day..." **************************************************************************** *********** A/N: Funny? Did ya likies it? Did ya? Did ya? Please reveiw if you did! 


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